Grace With Low Self Esteem

Of A Serious Nature

2010-05-07T23:59:00.000-07:00

I don't get serious very often, but I felt like writing...

My best friend's mom died today. I.... don't even know what to feel. This isn't about me. I know that, but am I allowed to feel a loss? She's been a part of my life for the last 20 years and though it hurts to lose someone I've known for a long time, my heart breaks and aches for my friend.

Jessica just got engaged 2 weeks ago and we had an impromptu engagement party the day after. Her parents came down for it and it was a pleasant, intimate gathering of a few close friends and her parents. I'm so glad our last memory is of her in such happy circumstances. They say anger is a part of the grieving process and I think I've reached it already. I am so angry that Mother's Day is in 2 days. I'm angry she won't be able to see Jessica get married. I'm angry that they were supposed to go dress shopping this weekend and that she won't be able to go through any of the wedding process with her mom. Jessica has been one of the best, sweetest, most amazing friends I have and she doesn't deserve this.

She doesn't want to talk to anyone right now and I totally get that. I feel so powerless to help her though. What does one do in this situation? I want to help. I want to hug her. I want to just sit and be with her.... cook a casserole. Anything. Because I feel this way, I also feel so selfish. "I want"... Is it bad to want to be needed? I think it's because I just want so badly for her to be okay and I know there's absolutely nothing I can do. There's such a deep ache in my chest so I can only imagine what Jessica's going through.

So many of my friends that are member of the DPC, deflect with humor and laughing at the situation. Part defense mechanism, part personality disorder. ;) So I'm completely at a loss for how to 'deal' (I can't think of a better word) with someone that is openly grieving.

Okay. That's all.

Sorry for the serious posting. It happens sometimes...

Well, Happy Mother's Day everyone. Appreciate what you've got... I know I do now more than ever.

'Tis The Season.... for the videos and links.

2009-12-15T20:46:00.000-08:00

So, I saw this bit a billion years ago, but it was sent to me again last week and I don't know. I'm a sucker for stuff like this.... (I mean have you seen the Super Mario Bros perfomance?) The BEST part of it though? Click through to the YouTube page and apparently we've got a full on religious debate over whether this innocent enough clip of people having fun with a classic is sacrilegious or not. You have the Bible Thumpers just going off about how these folks' precious souls are now damned to hell and then the Heathens pretty much cream themselves when given the chance to jump down some crazies' throats. Que the Eff? This world is getting a little too serious. Bored.

Onto the linkage.....

If you have never seen or enjoyed Mystery Science Theater 3000, then shame on you. But you are in luck.... I have found you your redemption. 141 episodes of one of the most amazingly genius shows of all time. Yes I said it. I dare you to challenge that statement after watching it. You're welcome....

Okay, get ready for the laugh of the season. You always wonder why kids flip out when they visit Santa. Now we know why..... They're just a bunch of Sketchy Santas.

Um.... What in the world is Mumblecore? Apparently the New York Times knows.......? I'm so out of the loop.

One of my friend's brothers is awesome and creates a very specific list of what he wants for Christmas. One of the 5 things on the list was Dragon Age: Origins. I'd like to think it wasn't because of the secret gay love scene in it, but who can tell these days? Seriously.... don't actually click that link if you don't wanna see it, but I know my reader is most likely a pervert. And I thought the old Disney cartoons were scandalous.....

Now I'd like you to looks at these two posters for the same movie, From Paris With Love. The first looks like it could be a really sweet action film even though those mostly don't exist anymore. The second..... Does anyone else think it looks like a poster for a movie in a movie? The OLD actor trying to make a serious comeback so people forget he wears a wig and the up and coming, mostly indie handsome actor trying to make a few more dollars. It's just too easy.... Travolta's hanging out a passenger side window without holding on while firing a bazooka and that's not even all. Meyers (with whom I am in love regardless) is calmly sitting back in his car, right hand on the wheel and the left aiming a gun while distracted by the camera....

And now I leave you with this amazing video that I could probably watch a thousand times, and you most likely have too, but I figure.... What the heck? Let's do this right. (I typed that with purpose... strong and bold.) The news report makes it all the better.

By the way, I promise.... Part 2 as well as my take on Twilight (that's right 2, I repeat, 2 posts) are making their way on the blog. Patience.... Look it up.

Modern, Serious Dating Is Dead (pt 1)

2009-10-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

So, if you don't know me, I've been single for the last 2 and a half years. In no way do I say this as a bad thing though. It's actually been better than I would have ever expected. Honestly, when I found myself single in Spring 2007, I thought my life was over... or at least any chance for a love life anyway. And this thought hasn't been too entirely wrong. Since that last breakup, I've 'hung out' with guys. I've 'talked' to guys. I've even 'hooked up' with guys. None of these events leading to dating said 'guys'.

Now, I've looked at this a number of ways, and believe you me, so has my mother. I believe her last advice to me was "You need to be less low maintenance. You're too easy going. You have to make them think you're worth working for. Stop dressing like a boy.... You need to look like a lady. You're meeting him at his house? It's not gonna work. He should have to come pick you up. See? You're too easy." (If only she knew.... wink wink - jk?) Okay, so it got a little derailed at the end, but that sums up my evening of knowledge with Mother Bird.

I'm not so sure she's off base. See, for the last few years, I've literally just hung out with these guys. A lot of time spent watching tv and watching them play video games. No dates. No sweet phone calls. No wooing. Nothing out of the ordinary of a regular old friendship... oh except they all wanted to make out with me. Thinking about it, I'm really just one of the guys that they're allowed to be attracted to. Not the cute, easy going girl that likes sports. I always thought they were the same thing... but I've finally become aware of the subtle difference between the two. I've only wanted to hang out with guys as opposed to date them in this time though. This was the first time since high school that I've been given the chance to be single and find out who I am when given the chance to just be. I finally got comfortable in my own skin. I'd say I know myself pretty damn well these days... maybe a little too well. And I've had a lot of fun... but then the reality of what it means to be single sets in.... DATING. Phooey.

So, let me tell you a little story. I've known this guy for about 4 years now (we'll call him.... Todd) and we've gone out here and there within that time. It would probably be accurate to say that we hang out once a quarter, whether it be going to a concert, seeing him perform his music, going bowling, attending friends' birthday parties, etc. None of which were under the pretense of being a date, so I've always just kept it casual. To be frank, we've made out, I've spent the night, but no further....

Well, a few months ago (I don't exactly remember when... could've been 6 months?) I was at his house and as we were making out, he started a sort of awkward dialogue. It went as follows:

T: How far am I allowed to go?

Me: Uh... just as far as in the past, I suppose.

T: You can't blame me for asking. I never know what's going on with us when we get together. I don't know if you've found a boyfriend, if you're expecting anything from me, if I should expect anything from you.

Me: Am I supposed to tell you first thing when I arrive of my dating status? I don't typically expect anything from you... ever.

T: When a guy spends time with a girl like we have, it's more unnatural to stop the progression than to just let it flow. What is it that you want from me?

Me: I don't like talking about this stuff... Do we really have to do this?

T: Well, I guess I know that I can't talk to you about anything serious, I guess. (He seemed very offended)

Me: I'm sorry. It just makes me feel really uncomfortable. We see each other on a quarterly basis.... I just don't see the need for such a serious conversation.

T: With my schedule and where I am right now, I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I can't offer you that kind of relationship. I did that for a while and I'm not ready to make the investment.

Me: I'm not looking for a boyfriend......? Uh.... I don't know. I don't know what to say. Sorry? I don't get it.

It was a lot more introspective (on his side), long winded, and ridiculous than that, but you get the drift. I hope. We'd never gotten serious and I never call him... but I'm glad he warned me he didn't want a girlfriend or I'm sure I would have eventually had my heart broken. I left the next morning just to receive a text that evening from him saying that we'd left things on strange footing and he hoped to resolve the issues sometime soon. I texted back with something light, brushing everything off and then never heard from him again. Well, not for a few months anyway. (This is called foreshadowing, if you never listened in your English section of 4th grade.)

To be continued in part 2 at a later date.... Soon. I promise.

F that.

2009-07-23T21:22:00.000-07:00

So, I have a confession to make. I've found a new band that is absolutely fabulous and I'm not sure if I want to tell you about them.

On one hand, I want to keep them a secret. I like being one of the few that know and fully appreciate them. I like knowing that I'm 'in the know' when other people (much cooler than I) still aren't. Haha! It's so rare that I know of a band before all the other friends I have in my life, that I enjoy basking in the greatness. Quietly. To myself. Humbly, of course.

On the other hand, but of the same footing, I want to scream it to the world. Not because I want everyone to enjoy it as I do. Not because I think the world could use a little more music. Not even because it makes me feel good to bring it into one's life. No. It's because sometimes I want to enjoy basking in the greatness.... NOT quietly. NOT to myself. NOT humbly. I want people to know that I'm awesome. I want to rub it in your face that I was the one to find them first. SUCK IT!

But then, I get nervous that I'm still not cool and I'm all wrong about the band and no one else likes them but me. Keep the streak alive, I suppose.... It's kinda like when I don't want to pick the restaurant when we all go out, because if someone doesn't like it, they can blame it on me. Too much pressure, if you ask me.

BUT.... I'm gonna tell. I just want to shout it from the rooftops. I was at Hotel Cafe on Saturday to see Michelle Featherstone, who I also love, but it was the band that closed the evening that did me in.

Meet: Freddy and Francine.

There I said it. Freddy and Francine were amazing. Just look at them.... Watching them was like a party. They are just too much fun.... The guy I was with at the show was bored, but I'm not sure why. I felt like I was at a cook out in the south. I think he was just a bore. My mother always said, 'People who are bored are boring people themselves.' It might be true.... but my mom said it, so you never know.

Well, there you have it. I made my decision. I went through with it. And I'm gonna leave it out there. It would do you good to look them up on iTunes or LimeWire or whatever you use. Please. For me? They're amazing.... see them live. They're playing at The Mint in August I think. It's that much better.

I can guarantee it.

Post Script. You're welcome.

Is it 2038 already?

2009-04-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

I received two pieces of mail today: a notice titled "Urgent Elder Law Provisions" and an invitation to a complimentary dinner presentation. On the front of the invitation in big gold letters......

"A Very Special Event Exclusively for Adults Over Age 55"

Yeah, and the first one was for anyone over 60 that wanted to find out how they reduce their taxes. Now... my first question was 'Huh?' Moving on to 'Who told people that I was 55..... or 60?' Followed by 'Do these people know something I don't?' As I look at my life, I start to wonder.

Reasons I Might Be 60:

- I'm looking forward to retirement.

- I've been looking at homes in retirement communities.

- I love soup.

- I don't know what the kids are up to these days and they piss me off.

- New technology confuses me.

- I have racist tendencies.

- I sleep 4 hours a night.

- I wish I was 30.

Reasons I might NOT be 60:

- I'm NOT retired.

- I live with my parents and 2 foreign exchange students.

- I spend an unforgivable amount of money.

- I don't like old people.

- I have all my teeth.

- I watch a lot of trash tv.

- I'm athletic.

- Okay, I'm not actually athletic, but I needed another reason I wasn't 60....

Well, now I'm even more confused.... Making a list was stupid. At least if I am 60, I'm looking damn good for my age.

Winter Wait

2009-03-23T18:19:00.000-07:00

Be patient with me. I am coming back! I promise. In the meantime, just hit up the Pajiba Love. You're welcome.

Status updates are the new blog.

2008-08-22T19:03:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you that I am not friends with on the social networking website we like to call Facebook, I apologize for being absent from your world. It was tough, I understand, but here I am again.... just in time.

In time for what? College football season, that's what. GET SERIOUS! So far.... Ohio State's rocking a 2-0 record and after next weekend, it's gonna be an astounding 3-0, because why? Cause we're gonna kick some serious Trojan tail in a week. And who's gonna be there? That's right. I am. I just secured a ticket this weekend. Goal line, but you know what? I'm gonna be at the game and I'm not paying for the ticket.

Now many of you are wondering how I can turn my back on my home team. I never graduated from Ohio State, and yet I'll take Big Ten over Pac 10 any day of the week. Let's get real for a second. We're just a better conference, and I'm not talking records here. I mean, its true.... we can't beat an SEC team for our life, but there's a first for everything, right? I have 250 dollars riding on this, so don't worry.... There will be a mourning or celebratory blog posted on the 14th.

So what's been going on these days? Sometimes I'm bored. Mostly I'm bored. Stanley might be the best, most entertaining thing in my life lately. He runs around the house and just messes things up. My place looks like a tornado blew through it and it's all his fault. Shameful, really.

I have to tell you.... I've been having epiphanies, and aching to share them with the blogosphere, but I'm drawing a blank at this moment. I've turned boring.... or at least I'm finally letting it show. But a week from today, I will be boring in Belfast, Ireland. Eff yes. I'm finally taking my long awaited trip to Ireland. I've been looking all year, since February, for a good flight to the Land of Ire, but it's always been really bad timing. So, a few weeks ago, my mom sent me a special on American Airlines and I decided to book a flight. Carpe Diem. And this is my seizing opportunity. It's only a few days and it's very possible that I'm going solo (my friend's flying standby) and all of that is fine with me. I've never been more excited about something in my life. A week off from that blasted thing I call work? Count me in, sucka!

Did you know Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams is about sex and not the year? Who'd have thought?

Boys, do you need help keeping track of when your girlfriend is about to go crazy on you for a week? Well try PMSBuddy..... Apparently it might be the answer to everyone's problems.

A few things I have problems with: Sarah Palin and her baby, her baby's baby, her older baby, etc. Do we really care about this? And how absurd is it for people to speculate that her baby (with Down's Syndrome) is actually her daughter's baby? Just the silliest bunch of trash I've heard in a while. I personally don't care about the Presidential election. We can either have the oldest president who is a Democrat covered in a crazy, nonsensical Republican platform, or we get a man that believes socialism is the best option for this nation. He'll never say it right out, but if you listen, you'll know. So, I'm taking my stance as a voter, but only for bills. I believe I'm making a statement that will most likely go unnoticed. I'm taking bids on who wants me to write them in as my presidential candidate..... otherwise, my vote goes to Stanley.

The other thing I have a problem with? David Duchovny went to sex rehab for porn. Did Tea make him do that? Because he should've made her go to rehab for doing movies like "Fun With Dick and Jane". I feel bad because don't tons of guys like porn? I guess I'm glad they are working through it. I always thought they really had a shot. Looks like they might. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones also have a real shot. They just fell of the face of the earth. That's commendable. I love stuff like that.

Has anyone been watching Top Design? If not, do it. It's amazing.

Well, I'm bored of my post now, because it's not even close to being funny. I give up. I've failed at my only purpose in life - to make people laugh. Maybe I should just post a picture of my face? Poop.

And to make up for all the time I've let pass.... I leave you with this precious gem of a clip. Illusions, Max. You'll find more illusions.....

A month in arrears......

2008-07-17T18:58:00.000-07:00

Over the past month there have been a number of items I have and haven't felt the need to write about, and very well didn't. Here's a recap since we last spoke, in no particular order:

We all know not to go grocery shopping when we're hungry, but I learned that I shouldn't go to the store while thirsty, either. You just might walk out with a hundred dollars worth of non-alcoholic beverages.
I went to 2 Snoop D o double g/311 concerts: first one, I got into a fist fight with a couple of drunk bitches, and the second, my purse (which held my phone, my wallet, my credit cards, 200 dollars cash, my house keys, my garage transponder, and my mail key) got stolen. That was awesome.
I work way too much.
I've been working out, taking Melissa's spin class...... I want to die for about 50 minutes every time. No clue why I go back.
The beach is ridiculously fun and I like not being pale anymore.
I went to Vegas for one day...... for a debate. That's right. I ignored any reason to leave my stories back in Vegas. But come on.... Dinesh D'Souza and Christopher Hitchens with a topic of 'Terrorism: Is Religion To Blame?'. Get serious. It was effing rad and I had 2nd row seats.
I hate boys.
I like boys.
I love boys.
I love little Jackson.
I miss Katie Clifford.
I'm renewing my love with Corey Cooper.... eventually.
I want to go on a date that: a. isn't me by myself, b. doesn't include me paying for any part of it, and c. is with someone that I'm actually attracted to. I think I've gotten 2 out of 3 in various combinations, but I have yet to hit the trifecta.
I've been watching a bajillion movies lately, in and out of the theater.
I seriously go through way too many phones.
I'm pretty sure I'm willing to spend my entire life savings/credit card limits for a good ticket to the USC/Ohio State game on September 13. (Side note: 42 days until CFB starts.) Does anyone have a spare that isn't in the end zone and even better if it's in line with the Buckeye bench? Too much to ask?
Some friends are engaged and getting married. Yay/Boo.
I'm wondering what would happen if I went back to 1208 Highland in Columbus when I go back in August. Would I punch the dude? Would I yell at him? Would I steal his dog? Or would I quietly vandalize his crap of a car? I'm not sure.
I'm so effing excited to see The Dark Knight. Ack!
I'm now obsessed with Arbonne skin/hair care.
Kaytee and Will made an amazing pair on SYTYCD. SICK partnership. Might've shed a couple tears on the pas de deux. Get serious.
I'm starting to like tennis? I don't like where this is headed...... I'm a little scared.
I bought a deep frier. So far, the best thing to fry is a spicy hot link wrapped in bacon, put in a butter grilled bun. That and refried donuts with powdered sugar or homemade frosting. Don't judge me. You have no clue.
Apparently you're supposed to NOT look at the camera. Ever.

Well, I'm sure there's more, but I'm bored now. I might expand on a few of these topics if requested, but I'll just try to stay more current. Not get so behind, I guess. Oops. I have pictures too...... but I'm way too tired to figure that out right now. Maybe later? No promises.

Take a picture, it'll last longer.

2008-06-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

The saddest news I've received in a long time is that Polaroid is no longer going to make polaroid cameras. That's right. The company that refined the instant picture..... done. (I've known this for months now, but it really just hit me today.) I mean, the stinkin' camera is their name. But, no..... they want to focus on their digital cameras. Excuse me?! This, to me, is like Kleenex deciding not to make tissues anymore and redirecting their efforts toward handkerchieves. Both do the same thing, but it doesn't mean we can get rid of the tissue, does it?

I'm just saying...... We still need polaroid pictures! How are we supposed to do fun, creative stuff with pictures? I'll venture to say that my first experience scrapbooking was probably drawing pictures along the bottom or taking a key and smudging the picture around the people. I just.... I don't know. You can't just get rid of it altogether.... Okay, don't make the small ones, or the sticky ones, or the ones with 4 pictures in one, but at least keep a very basic model. Do you know that some polaroid cameras cost like 150 American dollars now because of this? And they're kind of difficult to find. It's madness, I tell you. It's as if they're really cheap diamonds or something.

Well, I tell you what. I'm going to buy a polaroid camera and as much film as I can (taking great care to keep it out of the heat, of course), while I can, and just have it when I want it. It's going to be annoying though since there's an expiration date on the film. So basically, if Polaroid stops making the film, then it goes extinct. How will we tell our kids what they were like? Well, I suppose noone will even think twice about it, which is the real shame in it all. I mean, the children, they won't even know what Andre 3000 was talking about when he tells ladies to 'shake it like a Polaroid picture'. Outkast will be completely irrelevant. We can't let this happen.

They did try to make one last ditch effort last year with a 'Who Needs Mirrors When You Have A Polaroid?' campaign. I have only one question..... It's not 'Why were you encouraging people to make more waste when the green effort was just starting up?' It's not 'Are you stupid enough to think this might have actually worked?' No. My one questions is this: Were you deliberate in choosing an asian girl as your model? If so, to them, I say 'You racist bastards.' And if not, 'You really should have thought to use an asian on purpose. Don't you know you'd miss your entire target demographic? But I would've used a Japanese girl instead.'

You know, I think I only get cooler the older I get.

Two of a feather......

2008-06-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

I gotta give a head nod those acknowledging my fellow Low Self Esteem-ers.......

I don't know think this is passive aggressive, but man, if it is...... I'm glad that's exactly what I am. (WARNING: Profanity on the other end of the link. They don't censor like I do. Sorry!)

Get Serious.

Oh, and in case you didn't read the signs on the way in, just a quick reminder:

Laundry Update

2008-06-08T21:40:00.001-07:00

I still haven't done even half a load.

I'm pretty sure it's come to the point that I'm willing to take it to this place:

link

I'm thinking it just might be worth the 30 or so bucks to get it done for me...... I mean, really, wouldn't you pay someone thirty bucks to do like 4 loads of laundry? I'm gonna say yes.

I'm trying to figure out just what it is I don't like about doing laundry. I've narrowed it down to three things:

1. Separating. I have a condition some might call "separation anxiety".

2. Walking into the laundry room. It's the cat's room and there's usually a little kitty litter on the floor and it gets on the bottom my feet. It's a dirty feeling, which in turn, defeats the entire purpose of the activity.

3. Folding. I fold every other shirt differently, my jeans stay really wrinkled, there's so much laundry that it takes FOREVER.

I'm pretty sure I have some issues that might need to be discussed with a therapist. It's grown to an unhealthy aversion to doing laundry. I think if I get it done by this place, I'll just start fresh. But then again, I think that every time I get my laundry all caught up.

Everytime I get to this point I realize just how many pairs of underwears I have..... waaaaay too many. I'm definitely equipped to not have to do laundry for 3 or 4 months.

Oh my goodness. I am so weird.

Post Script. I may be weird, but you're kind of bummed that I thought of it first. Don't lie to me............ or yourself.

Lucky Strike

2008-06-03T20:39:00.001-07:00

You know, screw the Olympics..... the only thing that truly unites us all is the sneeze.

So I haven't seen the new Indiana Jones movie. I have, however, been told that there are aliens. You make the first Indy movie in 20 years and you choose aliens to be the big mystery? Eff you, Spielberg..... I think Tyler got it right when he said 'Spielberg is single handedly ruining my childhood.' Don't blame this on George Lucas..... Trust me. It wasn't his fault. You know what was his fault though? Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, and Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith.

I really like my new hairspray. When I walk, I get small whiffs of it and it makes me feel good. I'm flirting with the idea of making it my new perfume.

I'm pretty sure every guy on The Bachelorette is gay. I like Jason though. Right now, he's my pick to win it all, 3 year old and all. But it's still early. I'll keep you posted. I'm glad I'm a girl right now, or else it'd be embarrassing to admit that I even watch it..... Oh wait, it still is. And yet, you are dying for next week's update. That's embarrassing for you.

So as it turns out, I'm an amazing bowler. I went to the lanes (that's what we bowlers call it 'round these parts) last week with my friend Tim and I bowled a 68. Suck on that! Tim (and the other 2 bowlers of the party) may have gotten a higher score than I did, but that's not the point of it.... I'm pretty sure I'd leave my 68 experience off my resume if applying for the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I would include my mad arcade skillzzzzzz though. Get serious. If it has a gun, I will dominate........ period. In the process, I even emasculate fine, young men. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tim. Yes, that is a purse. Yes, that is a ladies' jacket. Yes, he is pulling out his wallet to give me more money for games. And yes, his ass was grass in each game. (Quite predictably though, I lost the racing game.)

Along with my love for shoes, I've recently discovered I have an intense passion for jeans and make-up. Although I wear one more than the other....... I don't have nearly enough money for this.

The tip of my finger is numb. It's the ring finger on my left hand. If I have to get it amputated, I'll wear my wedding ring on my right hand, I guess.

I saw this cartoon and it made me think of the time I fell in love with Nikki Brown. If you know the story, you totally get it. If you don't..... you can probably guess it.

P.S. I'd like to make a quick shout out to the girls that inspired me to start blogging..... The honors go to (in no particular order): Ryka Katie, Beckie with a y, and Natali (whom I have nothing clever to say about, because she's just so damn clever herself, any attempt would be a disgrace.)

I've made a huge mistake........

2008-05-24T16:21:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe not huge, so much as glorious.

I just went out for a very innocent lunch in San Clemente with one of my new favorite ladies, Miss Melissa Lundquist. I brought Cooper, which wasn't much unlike taking a baby that never stops crying. Lucky for me, my baby's cute and everyone loves him despite.... Okay, well we spent the afternoon quizzing, walking, talking...... You know.... girl stuff. There's just nothing quite like it. I will say this, though: I learned a few things about alcohol. (I never expected that when I got in the car at noon.) Calm down. That was the quizzing I was talking about; The lovely lady needs to pass the drink part of her serving test.

So, we're walking up and down Del Mar looking at the little festival, soaking in the sun, taking in all the 'oohs' and 'aahs' about Cooper when we came upon a cute little shop with guys' shoes in the window. I tell Melissa how much I wish I was a guy sometimes because they get all the cool shoes (disclaimer: TENNIS shoes. I love my heels, pumps, wedges, espadrilles, etc. Oh and my Vans.) I say to her 'I just want a pair of Asics wrestling shoes.' Do you know the ones I'm talking about? I basically meant I just want a pair from the Onitsuka Tiger brand section of Asics. I make her follow me in and I see the most glorious pair of plaid converse slipons that look just like Vans, for only 29 dollars. I take a lap (or fifteen laps) around the women's shoe table and what do I see? 3 pairs of Onitsuke Tiger Asics loafer type flats and 4 Asics maryjane flats. I was in Heaven.

Melissa was the most patient lunch-turned-shopping partner ever.... And she was so cute while studying her flash cards..... with such a great attitude about it all. Don't you agree?

*Side note: Melissa, you look great in this picture and you're not allowed to ask me to take it down. ;)*

So what did I do at this time? Yes, that's right. I did the only thing a sane woman with a credit card would do: I bought 2 pairs of the loafers and 1 pair of the maryjanes. Since I don't believe in 'Buyer's Remorse', I have to be okay with the 175 dollars I just threw down. Damn it.

But the payoff? Well, just see for yourself......

My Three Per

Grey Loafers

Tan Loafers

Grey MaryJanes

So basically..... I'm having a glorious time looking at my shoes and imagining when I'll be wearing them. A little lame, but you have admit ladies.... You're totally jealous. Like, totally and completely jealous. Lucky for me, Melissa encouraged this behavior and here I am: the new owner of three pairs of amazingly, rad Asics.

Some of you are thinking, 'I've spent more than that on a whim.... Stop crying like a baby.' You just don't realize how much I've actually spent in the past few weeks. Or maybe you do.... Have I blogged about it? Well, this is just the icing on the cake, I'll tell you that.

Don't judge me.

Post Script: Don't these pictures make me look like I'm a professional eBay seller? I can only dream.......

Hang me up to dry

2008-05-22T22:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think that I haven't accomplished anything throughout my entire day and then I come home to see the chest high pile of laundry I have...........

I am a failure.

I did it all for the Nookie.

2008-05-20T22:24:00.001-07:00

I'd just like to take this moment to say that I loathe David Archuleta. He's a little goon with a crazy stage dad. If he wins American Idol, I'm quitting the show. Lucky for me, So You Think You Can Dance starts on Thursday, so there really is a silver lining...... Oh, but if David Cook wins..... bravo. I kinda love him.

Prince Caspian was an awesome movie. It was an even better book. I don't really ever like the movies any better than the books I've read. This is about the same, but I hope it does well..... I need all the rest to be made, especially The Silver Chair. (David Archuleta looks like a little monkey. I hate him.) C.S. Lewis made such a great collection of books in that Narnia series. I think I've read the set at least 10 times throughout my life.

(I'm pretty sure the judges have rigged the entire season for David Archuleta to win. I'm getting kind of angry. Who is going to buy this crap cd?! David Cook deserves so much better than this one sided competition. <----If you can't tell, I'm watching my tivo'd AI right now.)

I e-mailed a boy (that I know.... it wasn't random) on myspace a couple weeks ago to ask him about one of my new girl crushes because I noticed she had commented on one of his pictures. Well, he wrote me back an e-mail with a coded message in it that read: 'I'm stroking my c*** to u.' PAUSE. What?! Am I a prude or is this actually out of line? I'm going with the latter on this one. But it could very well be the prude thing. I haven't willingly put out to anyone other than Stanley in quite some time, and even then it's just little kisses. So, my response to him was a coded message that said: 'Shut it. U r ridiculous.' Then I told him it made me laugh for a few days (to keep things light and to not take it too seriously, because it makes me not look too conceited, which I am since I think he really was doing it. Yuck.). He decided to write back with another coded message that said: 'It's hard again.' WHY???????? I might have egged on that last one, but I'm just not down with the dirty talk with someone who has a girlfriend. But only the ones with girlfriends. Perverts? This is your calling. Bring it! But the competition is pretty stiff...... (Yes. Pun intended. Get a sense of humor.....)

I bought some pretty amazing Bose headphones on Thursday. 300 dollars. They cut the noise out from outside and the sound is so crisp. Absolutely glorious..... It made The Golden Compass amazing! Not sure it was worth every penny, but they probably will be after a few years. I'm getting a little stir crazy with the cash. I bought a new mattress pad, but because I moved my tv to the living room, it's not getting any use. I now sleep on the couch. Sad for me, it's a loveseat.

I was gonna blog about all my latest concert conquests. Update/further along my love/obsession with Leila Moss, show my asian side, some great pictures of some goofy people, funny looking asians, and a dude in a band that looked just like my dad when he was 19. That moment was kind of awkward seeing my dad from 1975 on stage playing the keyboards and guitar. I almost felt like I needed to go home to make curfew. So, Corey and I actually did end up leaving not long after that. Oh, point of this.... I lost my camera at the Panic At The Disco concert. That was gay.

Gregory House has to be the most intriguing, complex character in all of tv right now. What an awesome show. I think I'm in love. And it turns out.... he has feelings. My heart melts for him.

This is a silly blog. I'm tired, but I was bored of peeing my pants being the first post on my blog. The best part of that was one of my best guy friends from high school wrote me an e-mail saying, 'You peed your pants in 9th grade?' That's when I realized more than 3 people read my blog. I need to get more interesting.

How to get more interesting:

Step 1. Leave the house.

Step 2. Meet my neighbors.

Step 3. Send said neighbors sexually explicit e-mails in code.

Step 4. Travel.

Step 5. Get out of dodge.

Step 6. Take hallucinogenic drugs.

I think I like step 6 the best, although it might be the one people would be mad at me for..... Step 3's kinda questionable. Wow, those would be rad entries.

My ear hurts.

Fred Durst is guest starring in House. Awkward.

If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

2008-05-09T02:33:00.000-07:00

The last time I peed myself was in the 9th grade..........

Today I had a very intense moment in the Blockbuster off of Campus. I left work knowing I had to pee, but I have an insane, psychotic aversion to using the bathrooms at work/anywhere in public. It's a common thing...... or at least I tell myself that every day that I hold it in until I get home and make a run for the toilet. So what does Blockbuster have to do with any of this?

I left work today knowing I had to..... you know. I also knew that I had the last 2 Battlestar Galactica dvds to return and trade out for other movies. So, since Blockbuster was on the way home, I decided to hold it in for another 3 minutes. Or so I thought.......

First I took a wrong turn and it took me an extra 5 minutes to get to the store. I then walked into Blockbuster determined to find two suitable movies that would do for the moment. Apparently, I'm a little more choosey than I expected and once I got to the L's in the New Release section, there was a public restroom.

I decided to give up and use it. I set down my phone, my 2 dvds to return and the one dvd I'd picked out and try to open the door, not caring at all if my phone got stolen or my dvd's reshelved. I had to pee and there was no stopping me..... except a locked door. I need a key to use a bathroom at an effing video store? FRACK!!!!! So, I decided, 'Stay calm. Find one more video and jet.' I get The Namesake (N's..... I didn't go far.) and run to the registers. The two retarded employees are just standing behind the counter: The dude's talking about his boyfriend and the girl's some stupid asian that doesn't even see me in front of her and just talked to this fag (Last I heard, that was the P.C. term for it.....) about some picket-line outside of the the fag's bf's Blockbuster. Seriously? You work at Blockbuster and the best you could do was date a guy that works at ANOTHER Blockbuster? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Alright, so I'm waiting for these two UCI retards to realize that I'm standing there, 4 dvd's in hand, a box of popcorn and my card all set and ready for her to scan. Get serious children. Pull your heads out of your bums and do your job. Don't you know I have to pee and your bathroom is fracking locked?! She finally starts checking me out and this man comes up asking if any Golden Compass dvds have been returned. (You're a billion years old! Why do you need a children's fantasy movie 2 days after it's released? Find a dollar theater old man.) She takes a break from my 'order' to search their returned videos. I'm practically jumping up and down and then a thought runs through my head:

'If I peed right here, right now, would anyone notice? Probably not, but I'd have to get these dry cleaned. Would I tell them why they smell like urine? That would be an awful car ride home. Dude, last time you peed yourself, it was not a fun time.'

So, I rushed, went around the corner, grabbed my shiite and bolted to my car. For some reason, ironically, sitting down in my car make the feeling a little better, but still pressing. So, I hit the gas and race home. The entire way, I flash back to Freshman year.

So, as I said, the last time I wet myself was in 9th grade. I've always saved this story for moments where people ask me about my most embarrassing moment, but I figure a blog is as good a venue as any to share my secrets..... especially since about 3 people read it. I'm gonna share with you the most embarrassing moment of my life. I think everytime I tell it is just about as embarrassing as the moment it happened. Here's what happened:

I'm sure you're thinking 'What's the point? She already told us the end of it.' Oh you are soooo wrong. That's only 3/4 of the way through. I went on a Christian wilderness leadership trip (called Niko, Greek for 'to overcome') and since I have an aversion to peeing anywhere outside of my own personal restroom, let alone behind a bush, I decided to not drink much water and just hold it until we get to the next point that there's a restroom. Well, one of my leaders notices I'm not drinking any of my water during the big hike. He makes us stop until I finish my canteen. BIG MISTAKE.

Yes, I was dehydrated, but I was NOT going to pee behind a bush. Well there came a point halfway through that I just could not hold it anymore. I decide to go behind a tree and make some people wait for me. Okay, so overalls? Not a good idea.......... I get behind the tree and I have to go so badly that I'm frantic and can't undo the buckles on the overalls. I'm struggling and trying as hard as I can. I start crying and shouting to my friends to help me, so a couple of my girlfriends come behind the tree and try to unhook the buckles, but? It's too late. I just let it all go. I'm crying and I just peed in my overalls at 14 years old. What is wrong with me?!

Now, remember, this is only 3/4 of the way through the hike. So, I'm forced to hike the rest of the way in wet, pee stained overalls. My legs start chaffing and I try to stay in the back so the boys can't see me. (I thought they couldn't see..... what a stupid, naive girl. EVERYONE knew.) We start walking down the hill to the campsite and I start feeling sick to my stomach. Someone gives me a peach to eat to possibly calm my stomach and we're almost to bottom and I have to stop and sit down. I am ridiculously nauseous. We finally get to the campsite, I change my clothes, and we gather in a circle to pray.

This is where the metaphorical shite hits the metaphorical fan. We're praying, it's somber, it's peaceful.............. until I throw up in the circle. Yes. First, I pee my pants in front of 4 of my friends. Next, I throw up in front of everyone. Best night of my life, by far. I then leave the circle (while the prayer continues) and throw up on the side of the hill we just hiked down. But Princess Diana ended up taking the focus off of me by dying in a nutso car crash. Thank you???

Well, I was nervous out of my mind that I was going to relive that moment as I stood there in Blockbuster. It almost came to the point that I had to hold myself like a little kid. I was almost hopping up and down and putting my hands between my legs so it didn't start dripping down my legs. (Is this getting too graphic? Well, sorry to the 3 people that are reading this.)

Luckily for me, it's 10 years later and I've learned to hold it in a little better, but seriously, I legitimately thought about the consequences of peeing my pants in the middle of a public place at the age of 24. Is that unacceptable? I think I'd understand if I saw someone do it. Sometimes it's out of someone's control....... I'd take that person to the bathroom to help them clean up if that happened. It's right down the street from my house, so maybe I'd even take them home.... if I had a towel in my car. If not.... it's warm outside. Go lay out and dry off.

I have no heart.

Go and pack your bags, kiddies...........

2008-05-06T22:23:00.000-07:00

My dad told me tonight that Jesus is coming back in 2015. How cool is it that my dad knows this stuff?! (Did you read that in a sarcastic tone? I sure hope so.....) Now, I know what you're thinking: 'Papa Bear's finally cracked.'* He very well might be, but here's the thing: Mother Bird believes him. It's crazy, but the reasons behind it do seem pretty legit. (Just ask me why.... It was kinda fun to read about.) I'm not saying I necessarily agree with him, though............ yet.

But regardless of whether I think it's gonna happen or not, what if it is true? Would I necessarily be happy about that? I mean, I know it's supposed to be a good thing, but is it awful that I'd feel a little ripped off? And by 'a little ripped off' I mean 'effing gypped'. On a potentially amazing full life of new and old friends, jobs, opportunities, and most importantly........ a family. Come on! I mean... I want this:

Frack, I'd even settle for this:

I might not always be happy or live in the moment or blah blah blah, but I at least want to live out the rest of my miserable existence. Get serious. I have a ton more mistakes to make! I haven't fracked up nearly enough. I have more boys to make out with, countries to visit, drugs to take, fantasies to delude myself into thinking are going to happen, curse words to say, death to wish on disgustingly happy people, death to wish on obnoxious people, Mormons to befriend, tattoos to get, new social networks to become obsessed with, marriages (and possibly divorces) to be had, bands to love, forget, remember, hate, babies to make............. I want to write one despicable evil email to anyone and one nicest most beautiful letter to anyone.** Come on! Now this stuff isn't all bad, but we don't really know what life's gonna be like after the second coming, do we? What if all we end up doing is sit on a hill in white bellbottom jeans, a white t-shirt, a white crocheted vest, and headbands (none of which get mud or grass stains, so how fun could that really be?) singing happy songs with Jesus who's always smiling***?

(Yeah, I always see hippies in a scene like this for some reason.....)

So, I have 7 more years to what? Wreak some havoc and then repent at 11:59pm on December 31, 2014 just to make sure I start off 2015 on the right foot? All is forgiven and I've got a free pass.....

Well, I think that's the main reason why I don't think signs are gonna tell us when it's definitely gong to happen. I mean, Jesus said that noone knows the date or the hour besides the Father. Papa Bear responds saying, 'Well, he's not telling us specifically when, but we know it's gonna be in 2015.' (I would like to take a moment to......... L. O. L.) Doesn't that defeat the purpose of our lives? That way we know when to repent. Aren't we supposed to live a righteous life at all times because we don't know?

But then again.... I'd never have to worry about having to wear a pair of Oops I Crapped My Pants....

*I have to say though, it is a little less crazy than my dear friend's grandpa saying he found the Lost Translations and that he was the next Prophet, right?

**I just realized I have some strange aspirations in my life.....

***I know my last post was practically blasphemous..... I can only hope this one doesn't put me over the edge to the dark side.....?

Baby's got the bends.

2008-05-05T00:22:00.000-07:00

So.... this almost definitely qualifies as sacrilege, but I'm watching a tivo'd Radiohead basement session on the mtv hd channel and all I could think of when I watched Thom Yorke was that he looked just like Clay Aiken did before he got fat. I'm not saying they're identical... and of course, Thom is a badass and not a gay, but......

Does it make me a bad person to even go there???

COME ON!

This is what you get when you mess with us.

2008-04-16T18:19:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I wanted to learn nothing more than how to ride a bike with no hands. I saw someone doing it the other day, and I became disappointed in myself.

I won't vote for Hilary Clinton this year. Because she's a woman and I hate women. I won't vote for Barrack Obama. Because his last name sounds like Osama and he's black. I probably won't vote for John McCain either. But that's just because he's old. Looks like I'm not voting for anything other than bills. My political stance: Anti bills. I think we all should be.

I was gonna go to Mormon church last Sunday, but realized I didn't want to shave my legs. So I stayed home. Lucky for me I remembered I had shaved my legs this last Sunday, but since I'm still ghost white, I wore tights. Yeah, sometimes a girl does what she's gotta do.

Battlestar Galactica is my new current obsession. I simply can't get enough of it. All I can say is 'BSG bitches!' You watch one episode, you'll know what I mean. But make sure it's the first one. Anything after that doesn't really make sense if you don't understand the past.

Another favorite of mine: milk. Damn being lactose intolerant. Eff it. Bring on the ice cream.

Is 24 really an adult age? At what point do you hear a person's age and just assume they're grown up? When I was a kid, I thought it was 17. Now that I'm technically an 'adult', when do I start feeling like it? I mean, hell, I still watch cartoons........ minus South Park. You folks that do are weird.

I wore a dress to work today. I felt like a woman and very respectable looking. I should invest in more professional outfits. Maybe then I'd feel like a grown up. But I think using the term 'grown up' kind of negates that......

Stanley (the cat) loves the new Angels blanket I brought home the other night from the game. He just drags it around the house like a little child. It's adorable.

A tan is way overdue in my life. I'm starting to look like a ghost with jaundice. (A mix of pale caucasian white and pale asian yellow.) Depressing if you ask me........ Pretty sure this has to be a sun-filled weekend.

When my mom was my age, I was 1 year old. That's awkward. If I'd been married for 4 years by now and had a 1 year old baby, I'd be happy..... but I'm pretty sure that's nothing I want at the moment. Oh I'd take it in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose, don't get me wrong. I want all of that, I just can't imagine being there at that place right now.

Sometimes I wish I had formal events to attend so I could get my hair and makeup done and wear a beautiful gown. So out of my everyday tomboy approach to fashion.... I need a little more Kara Thrace in me.

My new favorite words are 'silly' and 'frack' The best sentence in the world would have to be, 'Beckie was fracking silly today.'

There's a lot of bird poop on my car. It's starting to gross me out.

One final note: sleep and showers. Two very overrated activities.

I'm pretty sure Hell is getting pretty cold right about now.......

2008-03-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

I've wanted an iPhone since before it was formally announced at Macworld 2007. It's been my one goal in life since I learned of it to obtain one and yet it's just beyond my grasp. I don't have money floating around, you know. Well, I do... but it's really just pennies in the air as opposed to the hundred dollar bills needed to make the large purchase.

Well, first, I see a few of my.... let's call them 'wiser' (it's more polite than 'old') friends getting them one by one, some even at the same time. That's hard enough to deal with in itself. But watching someone who had no interest in the gadget just a few months prior, now not be able to put it down because they're so obscenely obsessed with every bit of technology crammed into the tiny little handheld device..... just ridiculous.

So when a month ago, my mom suggests we buy my dad an iPhone for his birthday, my heart sank. Honestly? My dad gets an iPhone before I do? This is the definition of unfair. My dad has denied all things Macintosh since he stopped using them at work nearly 10 years ago. Refuses to to get an Apple product, save for a hand-me-down 1st generation iPod Nano from me. And he gets an iPhone before I do? Seriously?

Today's his birthday, and we gave him the phone and he absolutely loved it. He was practically gushing. That made me feel pretty good. Like I'd done something kind for someone else..... being very selfless, driving to Mahattan Beach to buy the phone (since every Orange County Apple store was sold out of EVERY SINGLE IPHONE. No joke.), and spending a billion dollars (that I don't have) on it. As I was teaching him how to use it, none of that meant anything because I became more aware of what it is I'm missing out on. I don't want to be overly dramatic about this, but.............

Kill.

Me.

Now.

Capital Punishment, Drugs, and Investments

2008-03-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

So today, I've watched a lot of basketball, a 2 hour documentary on the History channel about the science of crucifixion, and right now I'm watching Keeping The Faith. To me, it seems like a job well done. Hopefully, you agree and you're envious. I guess it was a beautiful day and I should've gone to the beach..... but I did go to Church and a family birthday/Easter party. So, I wasn't totally worthless.

Since none of this was Tivo'd, I had to watch commercials. There are two thoughts I had while watching them..........

1. I hate Charles Schwab, if he's alive and a real person. Honestly, even if he's not, I still hate him. The marketing people that thought of the cartoon real people talking about their investments or retirement or whatever are evil. They make me really uncomfortable. The commercials, not the people. Although, I'd probably be uncomfortable around those creepy bastards. I wonder if they see each other in cartoon form.....

2. Who thought to call heroin 'heroin'? Isn't that a word that means..... a hero that's a girl? I mean, I know it's spelled differently, but the e is silent at the end of it. It sounds the same. It just...... I'm confused. It certainly hasn't saved anyone's life.... that I know of. Trainspotting really effed things up for me and my optimistic view of the drug, so making it sound like it's a group that Superwoman, Wonder Woman, and Batwoman would be a part of is just wrong to me.

(I'm adding a third.....)

3. I'm really thankful/resentful toward the invention of the DVR. I love that I can skip commercials or nearly the entire elimination day of American Idol or the gruesome parts of The Last King of Scotland. I really do. It's awesome. What I am resentful about, though, is that the DVR has made watching shows without it is almost impossible. I get all bored and ADD and then change the channel, never to return to the show I was watching. Thank God for movie channels that have no commercials......

And sending His son down to Earth to die for the atonement of our sins. (Hey, He reads my blog, too..... I have to give Him a nod on His biggest day. [We're supposed to capitalize all those pronouns, right? For reverence or something like that?])

P.S. Did you know that Life Alert still exists? It's the 'I've fallen and can't get up' company. Amazingly, they still use the same commercial footage without the old lady. Keep that in mind if you live alone.... One call could save your life in the event of an emergency.

U Can't Touch This.......

2008-03-18T18:52:00.000-07:00

I'm currently writing a long hate blog about an article I read and it seems to be taking longer to get my thoughts down on the blog than I thought. In the mean time.... I thought you might appreciate this little gem of a website. It's everything I wish I was.

Passive Aggressive Notes

Enjoy.................

One last picture that may give you Mo's a chuckle:

Can't I just be half Mormon?

2008-03-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm watching American Idol right now and I just can't help but love Brooke White the best of all of them. She might not be the most outstanding, but you could've fooled me, because I think she's absolutely amazing. This isn't me and my preference for all things LDS...... seriously.

I do know the Mo's have one big spiderweb of connections, and since my blog is only read by you guys, if you know someone that knows her........ tell her that her version of "Let It Be" literally brought tears to my eyes. I don't care if she wins or not (although she is my pick to win it), I'm buying every cd she ever puts out.

I'm just throwing this out there, but does anyone else see a blonde Nellie West when they look at her? Am I way off base on this?

I know, I know, I get a little YouTube happy, but come on..... How could I resist? Technology these days......

I didn't know you were coming to see me....

2008-03-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

Did I mention that I spent 3 nights of my last week in LA? Absolutely ridiculous..... (Kinda fitting when your name is Duchess Ridiculous, I guess.) Well, one of those nights was to see The Duke Spirit..... this is one of those bands that you say to yourself, 'If nothing good came out of that boyfriend, at least I got introduced to some damn good music.' Lucky for me, I got way more than just a new favorite band, but holy cow....

Wednesday night gave me one of the best shows I've been to, and I'm a HUGE concert goer. This is the girl that would drive from Columbus to Cleveland by herself in snowstorms to see her favorite bands. (Thankfully, I had new tires then....) Well, this one really ranks up there. Her presence, her effing sexy hair and clothes, and ridiculously killer vocals, with British accent, might I add..... EFF! I want to do it all over again. Geez!

(I LOVE Curtis' face in this one....)

She rocks it with a tambourine and the whole time I just kept thinking, 'Man.... I took tambourine classes for 3 years and I NEVER looked that cool.' Maybe that's because I had to take classes. I guess I should probably take that talent off my resume. Damn it, because I really think that's what was getting me in the door....

Here's a little sample of their latest single. I'm now currently obsessed!

By the way.... did anyone notice that I figured out how to put pictures on this blasted thing?! I'm so impressed with myself.

I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile.....

2008-03-07T20:48:00.001-08:00

It's not even spring and yet, today..... I took my first step into the summer. Yes, that means I made my first trip to the beach for my first sunburn of the season. You have no idea the happiness this brings me.... The trip to the beach, not the sunburn. Although there is nothing wrong with my newly found rosy cheeks.

So.... needless to say, it was a wonderful day. I found my happy place: 1pm in Huntington between the pier and Tower 2, with the sun on my face, great music on the iPod and a book. Come home for a nice little nap, and I consider the day a success.

Suck on that all you people that left Southern California before the sun came out!

Who would want to R her?

2008-02-25T21:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry..... this is obnoxious to just post music videos, but come on........

And the funny response (with McLovin!):

Give my boy the juice!

2008-02-25T20:16:00.000-08:00

So this music video makes me smile... Sometimes I need that. Buster might be the greatest person to ever live.

I feel the need. The need for......

2008-02-24T20:39:00.000-08:00

So, I'm sitting here in bed at 8:40 at night watching my tivo'd NASCAR race of the day. It was at California Speedway and was rained out until around 3pm, and since I had to go to work, I could not watch it. This makes me think of how I even started watching this amazing sport.

(Side note: I always say, 'Oh it's not big deal to not go to the race at California Speedway because there are NEVER any wrecks.' Well, sad for me, I didn't go and damn it if there haven't already been 2 cautions in the first 20 laps. This one right now got 4 cars involved AND a big fire..... It was enough cause for a Red flag. Stopped the race!)

Okay, so back to the history of my love for this awful and stereotypically redneck past time. Well, it's my junior year of college and I just don't feel like going to church on Sunday morning, so I wake up, turn on the tv and NOTHING is on. Absolutely nothing, man. So, I just leave it on the race of the day. After about 15 minutes, I hear my roommate in the living room watching the tv out there and she's watching NASCAR. Her excuse was the same as mine, so we just kept on watching: her in the living room, me in my bedroom. And it's been an amazing love affair ever since.

Well, I went back to Ohio a year ago to hang out with my grandma, the weekend of the California Speedway race. This was my first race that I'd missed actually going to in about 2 years in Fontana. So to make myself feel better, I took my grandma to BW3's and have some wings. What's better than that? Busch racing comes on the big screens and I tell her that this is the first race I've missed in 2 years. Well, you'd think she'd just seen a ghost, because her face gets super serious and the following conversation ensues:

Nonnie: You like racing?

Me: Yeah, it's great.

Nonnie: Who told you to like NASCAR?

Me: Noone. I just watched it one day and got really involved and I just like it.

Nonnie: WHY? Is it the speed? Do you like it because of the speed?

Me: I'm not sure. It's pretty exciting. You get to know the rivalries, the teams, the strategies.... It's just really interesting.

Nonnie: You've really changed.

Me: How?

Nonnie: You're not the Beckie I used to know.

The rest of the day she talked to me with a certain tone of disappointment. If only I'd known sooner all I had to do was tell my grandma that I liked NASCAR for her to lose all faith in me....

Now what we got here is a failure to communicate.

2008-02-22T12:48:00.000-08:00

So, I just found out that my ex-ex-boyfriend just officially proposed to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day. (They had been 'engaged' since their first date, which I might mention was while we were still together. I do pick winners, don't I?) Well, this started a discussion about proposals....

Now, this might just be me, but I swear, if my boyfriend (or fiance) asked for my hand in marriage on Valentine's Day or Christmas or my birthday or any other day that can possibly use streamers or fireworks to mark celebration, I'd say no. (Unless it's Chinese New Year.... how clever would it be to get a ring in one of those red envelopes?) Someone dared to fight me on this. He believes that I, in fact, would say yes should a ring present itself on one of those days... That is straight bullsh.... and here's why:

1. I love romance and a certain sense of cheesiness, but come on. How obvious and generic is it to get engaged on Valentine's day? Oh, it's a romantic holiday and all, but that's no reason to make the ultimate romantic gesture on that day. It's just TOO much. Be a little more original than that.

2. Christmas won't work because he'll think that the ring is present enough. He'd probably put it in a big box under the tree and make me open 5 other boxes inside to find a small tiny box with a diamond ring inside. Yes, our love and a proposal would TECHNICALLY be a big enough gift, considering it costs a great deal of money, but I LOVE opening presents. It could be a box of pencils or a pack of gum and I'd be happy. So, I'm stuck with opening one present? I love you dear, but I want more than just one. (Disclaimer: this makes me sound totally greedy and obsessed with gifts. So? I want presents.) This applies for my birthday as well.....

3. If anyone knows me and loves me enough to want to marry me and start a life with me, he sure as hell had better know that I am not the kind of girl that wants this kind of proposal. To me, it's the equivalent of asking a girl to marry you with an airplane and a banner or on a jumbotron at a hockey game. So, if he doesn't understand that I would not appreciate a scenario such as this, he doesn't really know me and is not ready to ask me to marry him.

This isn't to say that those of you who have gotten engaged (or even married) on any of these holidays, you're retarded old saps, but it's just not my cup of tea. Good for you and I hope it works out.

This might be my favorite proposal in the history of all proposals:

Hiatus....

2008-01-29T18:30:00.001-08:00

So, I took an inadvertent 'hiatus' as Miss Cooper so kindly put it. I'm not sure why, though....

I wasn't too busy. I wasn't bored of writing. I didn't have better things to be doing with my time, in fact, I probably did much more mind numbing activities than contributing to universe of blog-dom.

Well, this post isn't going to be long, but it is my official declaration that my sabbatical has come to an end. Be ready for Beckie's World to re-enter your lives via the World Wide Web.

I'm not so sure that's a good thing........

Just waiting...

2007-07-20T20:52:00.000-07:00

So I'm just waiting for the night to start... It's almost 9 and I'm done getting ready. I could start cleaning my house, but instead I'm sipping on a Red Bull Something that Stanley the bartender whipped up for me. How great is this kid? He makes me drinks...

I realize it's been a while since I posted. For those of you that actually read this thing (which might be a grand total of....2), they blocked blogspot at work. What the eff am I supposed to do to kill time now? I don't need to buy anymore crap. I can't play Spider Solitaire when people are actually there.... too much. I haven't found the perfect apartment in Huntington Beach, Pasadena, New York, Seattle, Chicago, Conneticut, Paris, London, or Australia yet. What did you say? Maybe I should try working? Question: Are you on crack? Answer: Yes, I think you are.

Enough about work... let's go to the movies. Wait, I just did last night. Be ready for my blog report about Broken English with Parker Posey. But a preview: It was AMAZING. I loved it. How cool is that chick? She has such understated beauty and I'm not gonna lie... It was perfect for where I'm at right now. I went all the way to Pasadena to see it. I half got pulled over trying to figure out where the theater was, but since no ticket was given... It was an amazing evening. Don't you just love doing impromptu things like just up and going to Pasadena right after work? I do. Kinda makes me feel like I'm cool, even if I'm the only one that cares.

I'm kinda all over the place right now, so I'm gonna wrap it up. If you're a single woman that might be an alcoholic... Go see Broken English. Not saying I'm an alcoholic, but I could see past that part of it. Oh Parker... You are the reason my second daughter is going to have that name. I'm sorry, but Paisley is a first born daughter's kind of name. You gotta settle for girl #2. Deal with it. I heart you.

Brief Update

2007-07-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

In my attempt to do as little work as possible... I have managed to make Spider Solitaire on the Difficult setting my bitch. That's right. All four suits and I beat it...

Sometimes I amaze even myself.

Favor

2007-07-04T10:22:00.001-07:00

I still don't know how to put stinking pictures in these posts and they're starting to look really, really, REALLY boring. Help!

The Fourth of July

2007-07-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

So, it's now 9:54 am on the day we celebrate our nation's independence from the tea drinking, rotton teethed, monarchial, tube riding, red coat wearing, sexy accented grips of England. Today is a day where we fire up the good old BBQ, toss a few steaks, hot dogs, and hamburgers on the grill, throw back a couple drinks (possibly with a little bit of alcohol in them), chill by the pool, and hang out with friends. Sounds like I have my day planned... right? Think again.

I'm at work. Let me repeat that. I'm at work. I'd like to be bitter at this turn of events, but in reality... I literally asked for it. So, instead of soaking in that amazing California sun... I'm soaking up about a trillion flourescent lightbulbs. One of them is clicking. Maybe in a few minutes it'll be a trillion minus one... if I'm lucky. I will say this, though... Since no one else is coming into the office, I'm wearing jeans. And flip flops. And a cute polo. Not a stuffy one... a cute one. Vintage Le Tigre, but not the band... the bRand. A little midriff is showing... Yeah, I wish I was a slut at the office and this is my opportunity.

I've got all these things to get done today, but the minute I got in (9am... I gave myself a late start time, being a holiday and all...) and ran my first report, there was a problem. I called my boss... she wisely did not answer. A message was left and an hour later I still haven't heard from her. So what do I do? I can't even start running my other stuff until 2:30, and that's 4 and a half hours away... I guess I COULD start my account analysis, but that's about as boring as it sounds.

In this past hour of waiting for Melinda to get back to me (She's probably doing one of two things: sleeping or getting wasted. Either way, I'm jealous.), I have offically exhausted the internet. Don't think it was all done in an hour, but it's been a process. As an accountant, you spend a lot of your time in front of a computer screen - I'd say about 94% of the time. I'd also say about 10% of THAT time is spent doing actual work. In 6 days, I will have been here a year... Man, that's a long time.... That means by next Tuesday I will have worked a total of 214.88 hours of actual work at my computer. That's about 5 weeks worth of work. Roughly... It's probably a little less. (Remember I'm an accountant... trust me. If you want me to run through the math with you, I will. Later.) So, I think that sums it up. I'm offically the laziest person ever.

So back to the past hour... I've read blogs, I've read news, I've shopped, I've checked e-mail. I haven't myspaced or gmailed, though. (They're blocked at work... damn IT bastards.) All in all, my first hour here has been a success, in my opinion. I tried to work and couldn't... so I battled the internet and I came out victorious.

Perhaps I'll update a little more as that day rolls on. I think I might go see Nancy Drew at lunch. Yeah, that sounds fun.

Turns out I have ADD...

2007-06-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

So, I'll admit it... I'm kind of a celebrity whore. Not 'whore' in the sense that I'll sleep with anyone famous, but in that I spend way too much of my time reading what it is they've been up to, what they're wearing, and where they're eating.

For most of my life, I was unaware of just how much I enjoy eating. It's always been a part of my life, but I always thought it was a normal love for food. Over the past year though, I've come to discover that not EVERYONE is quite as obsessed with it as I am. (This seems off topic. Bear with me... it's relevant. But if you're impatient like me, and since it'll probably take me a few paragraphs to get back to the original idea, skim this and move along to the last paragraph. By the way, did you know patience is a virtue? Well, I'm not Catholic, but I'm pretty sure it is... so dwell on that while you're being lame and skipping to the end.)

I went to college for a couple years in Ohio (Go Bucks!) and for the months I was not in California, I'd keep track of the foods I craved and make a list... Del Taco, In-N-Out, Hot Dog on a Stick, Connell's, Burrito Express, Wienerschnitzel, and the list goes on... So, I'd come home with said list and would be so disappointed in myself if all my destinations weren't hit by the time I went back to school. I'd plan my days around these meals. "You want to go to the beach today? Uh... I can't... I have to go to Pasadena. Why? Because I want Connell's..." Someone would ask me if I wanted to go with them to In-N-Out, I'd say no because I'd already eaten there and I can't waste a meal on a repeat... Yeah, it's sick. Preferring food over people? Sounds normal to me. (And I know a few of you understand where I'm coming from on this.)

Now that I'm home for good, there are foods that I crave from Ohio. Most importantly, Buffalo Wild Wings, which I lovingly refer to as "B-dubs". (It was originally Buffalo Wild Wings and some other 'W' word, so people called it 'BW3's', which was shortened to 'B-dubs'. Then that last W word went away, and the nick name stuck. I'm not sure anyone knows what the 3rd W was for... Oh well. Food for thought.) But this craving gets fed every couple months now. Used to be more often, but then gas prices went up and I became intolerant of the post-work, 5 o'clock rush hour traffic on the 91 to the 15. That's right. I would drive all the way to Rancho Cuca-freakin'-monga to get me some B-dubs... IN RUSH HOUR. It's the only one in California. I need it, and driving an hour and a half for 12 glorious Hot BBQ wings, Potato Wedges with cheese, a Bacon Cheddar Burger with Hot BBQ sauce on it (sometimes substituted with a Chicken Wrap with Hot BBQ sauce), all with a couple sides of ranch and celery... well, it's all worth it. Even sitting in the 909 (or is it the 951?) next to a bunch of guys with nautical stars up their arms or down their necks, their lifted black trucks parked on the curb, and the girls at their sides with at least two completely different colors in their hair (These 2 colors required to be black and platinum blonde...), all of them, boys and girls alike, wearing some form of Famous Stars and Straps apparel. These people are the epitome of all that is evil in this world, in my humble opinion. Yes, they may be harmless, but they seem to incite my vomit reflex when within 50 feet. All this... to enjoy my magnificent B-dubs.

And then there's Donato's. This is mainly a reminiscent destination. I would go to Ohio every summer to visit my grandparents for about a month from the time I was six til I went to school there. It was great. Well, on nights that we didn't go out or my grandma didn't want to cook, we'd order a large pepperoni pizza from Donato's. We'd make root beer floats and sit out on the back patio (that my great grandpa put in...) on their metal furniture in the muggy Midwestern evening with our pizza and the lightning bugs. I'm not sure if it got any better than that. I used to study at Donato's too. (Good way to get that Freshman 15 started, if you need any help with that. Study where there's tons of pizza, breadsticks, and pop. Oh, and you were aloud to smoke inside in Columbus still. Ahhh, it was like heaven.)

There are so many more places I make sure I get to when I'm in Columbus, but the last, and most important, place to visit... Graeter's Ice Cream on either Lane or on Bethel across from the dollar theater. Now, everyone I know is partial to that damn Black Raspberry Chip, but not me. I don't like berries, and I'm not a huge fan of chocolate, so that's almost the perfect storm of a flavor for me... I'm more of a Coffee, Vanilla, Cookies and Cream girl. Unless it's fall. Come October, their seasonal flavors include Pumpkin and Cinnamon. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. I've just found out, recently, that they will ship their ice cream all over the US... so seriously... If you'd like to try any of these flavors, they will be in my freezer October 1. 70 dollars for 6 pints without having to actually go to The Buckeye State? Sounds soooo worth it to me.

You might now understand what I mean when I say I have an 'unhealthy passion' for the foods I love. You might also think you can relate. Saying you can't wait to go back to Utah to get yourself some Cafe Rio isn't the same. Unless you go back, with the guise of visiting family, when really you'd rather eat than see your grandma or even your friends... then you don't get it. Let's put it this way... I went back to Ohio in March to 'visit my grandma', but where was the first place I ate? B-dubs. Who paid? Nonnie. That's right. I hit two birds with one damn stone... Spending time with the fam, while making her think that she's the one that wanted to go to a sports bar for a hamburger. I sound like a bad person, I realize this... It's gonna make me sound even worse when I say, I'm okay with that.

Now back to the point at hand. I think when I obsess most about these celebrities, it's about where and what they're eating. I'd die to eat at The Ivy. I'd pay anything to get a table at Koi on a Friday night. Even a night at Nobu would be divine. The one place these people go to that is available to me though, that I have yet to try, is... Pinkberry. It looks good, regardless of the fact that we don't know exactly what it's made of. But who cares? Isn't all that matters how it tastes? It's not yogurt... Big deal. I've become obsessed with this place that I've never even been to. I'm on the Pinkberry groupie e-mail list. I get notified every time a new one is opened. I've become so involved, I feel like I've already tried it. But alas... I'm Pinkberry-less. I have yet to try the plain or the green tea flavor. There is one in Long Beach though. It's the closest one to us here in Orange County, and I'm determined to go. Katie says she'll go with me. What do you say? Will you come with me to find another place to fall in love with? Another place to put on a 'To Eat' list? Another place to find joy in a world of sadness? Okay, so maybe that was a little extreme... but I'm going to try this non-yogurt sensation. Soon. Who's with me?

(By the way, I had envisioned putting pictures of these place's logos within this post... but I don't know how to do that. I'm still a blogging retard...)

The Crying Game

2007-06-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

So, here's the thing... I'm a crier. I love to cry. I'm that girl. I cry everytime I hear "I Loved Her First" by Heartland. I think I cried in almost every episode of Party of Five and Dawson's Creek. I still cry in a good amount of those damn Grey's Anatomy episodes. I teared up when Jim came back from New York City and asked Pam if she was free for dinner. You know the Adam Sandler movie Click, that you probably didn't see? Well... yeah, I saw it. And... yeah, I cried. A lot. I believe I've proven my point. I enjoy a good, healthy cry.

Well, I like to laugh too... So why not laugh about crying? Dane Cook is effing crass at times, but this is the funniest ish I've seen for a while. Not just because he's funny, but because I think he's stalking me and documenting the process of a day in the life of a good cry.

Enjoy!

Come on baby, we ain't gonna live forever.

2007-06-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

So, in an effort to join the masses... I've started my very own blog. I know you're excited... I've been sitting on this first posting for almost a week now, mainly because I don't know what to do. How does one start this whole process? Crap, I hope I can figure out how to even post this thing when I'm doing writing it...

Up until recently, I was very much inclined to think that anyone that had a blog was entirely pretentious, ego-centric, and, dare I say, narcissistic. I mean, how much can one talk about themselves? And how ridiculous of them to assume that everyone cared what they had to say...

'Why the change of heart? What happened?', you ask... or don't ask. (I'm answering the hypothetical questions regardless, by the way.) I became one of those people that cared what these 'bloggers' had to say. And then I had opinions on their opinions. And then I started thinking throughout the day, "Oh that would make a great blog." Kinda like when people take a picture and right after, they look at it and say, "That's going on MySpace." It's sick and wrong, but you know it's going up the minute you get home. Be honest. You know what I'm talking about. It hurts to admit it, but you'll feel better once you do. I promise.

I'm not going to lie... I'm really struggling with the whole idea of blogging my thoughts. On one hand, it's entirely too trendy for me to actually feel some strange desire to be a part of. (everyone's doing it...) On the other hand, what a fun way to express yourself, be creative, and share a little of your inner psyche to friends and possibly strangers. On another hand, I'm NOT creative, so that kinda swats down hand #2. (Yes, apparently I have more than 2 hands. I'm okay with that.)

I'm a witty banter kind of girl. I'm not cut out for this. The written word might just negate every ounce of humor I might possibly put out there. I'm all about delivery, and on a blog... well... it just doesn't come through, or maybe just not enough. A little bit of the context is lost. This whole blogging thing might just be too much pressure.

I guess the real question is: Am I clever enough and do I even have enough to talk about? I mean, in all reality... I'm an accountant that lives alone with a cat. How much material does this lifestyle really grant me? Or am I now supposed to create a life suitable for a blog?

At this moment, I just had a profound epiphany: I'm taking this way too seriously. Perhaps these questions will get answered, perhaps they won't. Regardless, I'm gonna take this blog for a spin... maybe. (Oh, this is me being noncommittal. It's fun. You should try it sometime.)